Letting Off Some Steam
By Megan Rodriguez
You will have those
bad days.
Just accept it right
now.
You will wake up one
morning in bed from 2 hours of sleep.
Okay, to be honest
you weren’t in bed.
You were at your home
desk with papers sticking to your face.
Do you remember how
young kids thought their teachers lived in their classrooms?
From time to time I
could be okay with that.
It would save me gas
driving to and from home.
It’s not just the
lack of sleep that is the problem though.
Remembering you are a
STUDENT teacher is hard sometimes.
I think that I must
work and teach at the same level as my MT
With a ¼ or more of
the experience.
But things will get better.
But things will get better.
It is also hard
remembering you also have a class (or classes for some) to attend.
Like I have time to do
homework when I am busy creating it for my students.
I guess this
multitasking is what experts call ‘adulthood’.
If I knew back in
kindergarten a real job would be this hard,
I would have worked
harder at being a professional colorer.
-Back to being a
STUDENT teacher-
This semester is
meant to be my experimental time.
Do I have a strategy or
idea that I want to try?
Now is the time to do
that, but it is hard to accept that in doing this I will make mistakes.
Don’t be fooled, the
students know exactly what you are.
You are a student
just like them who is getting experience
and they decide that they (all 200 of them)
need to be that one difficult student
a student teacher can
learn from.
At least that has
been my experience so far.
Okay, I might be exaggerating
a little bit (okay a lot).
But things will get better.
But things will get better.
I guess I shouldn’t be complaining too much.
I have it good
compared to others.
I don’t have a
husband or children to take care of on top of this.
Which is fortunate
because I still cannot take care of myself.
But I better get a
move on because in less than 6 months
I will have at least
100 kids to take care of.
Thankfully it is easier to take care of someone else than it is to take care of yourself.
I have many things
that I need to work on.
Slowing down is one
of them. Being impatient is a weakness for me.
My fear is that I
will move too slow that my students lose their attention from my lesson.
I am also afraid of wasting
valuable class time.
This semester is
about learning balance.
Balancing my planning
time and social life.
Balancing instruction
time with think and work time.
Balancing my emotions
between classes and students.
But things will get better.
Not now.
Probably not next
year.
Probably not the year
after that.
But eventually.
Ms. Rodriguez,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your poem. The following lines really drew me into your piece:
"I don’t have a husband or children to take care of on top this/Which is fortunate because I still cannot take care of myself/But I better get a move on because in less than 6 months/I will have at least 100 kids to take care of."
It’s crazy to think about the number of kids that we’re going to have to take care of, but it’s important to be reminded that we’re capable of it!
As I read further on, it reminded me a lot of myself and how I would get so wrapped up into the profession that I start neglecting myself. Like the reading that we’re doing for next Wednesday, we shouldn’t be working harder than our students! We need to start taking care of ourselves before we can start taking care of our students, so take care of yourself, Megan! And have no fear. I’m sure you’re doing just fine.
Sincerely,
-Quynh
Thank you for your comment. We will eventually get into the rhythm of teaching that allows us to focus more on ourselves. This issue is also part of becoming a "real adult" (someone with a career)!
DeleteGood luck on your semester!
Ms. Rodriguez,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your poem! I giggled when I read line in the first stanza that talked about thinking teachers lived in the school when we were children. It's funny, my mother is a teacher and while I knew she lived at home, I still somehow thought that. Also, I agree. Sometimes it would just be easier! I think that one of the important lessons of this time in our lives is to learn how to deal with the balancing- the "adulting" and the relaxing. I've started to learn that there really won't ever be a "better time". Its about attitude and learning to cope and to balance - something I think I will always struggle with. I do think that you're going to do great things! I think we all are. Thank you again for sharing with us!
Thank you Ms. Dawson for your kind words and support! We will do great things, this semester and next year!
DeleteMs. Rodriguez,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your poem. I can see myself in so many of your thoughts here. I agree that sometimes a cot at school would make so much more sense - maybe they need a student teacher dorm?!? As for this: "I don’t have a husband or children to take care of on top of this.
Which is fortunate because I still cannot take care of myself." I can tell you that it is struggle when you feel like your time is so split and you have so little, but I feel lucky in that I have so much support waiting for me when I get home every day. So I wonder if maybe I am on the lucky one in some ways?!? And this: "This semester is about learning balance." YES YES YES. A thousand times yes. The struggle for balance is real - to keep it all up in the air without letting a ball drop. You've got this Ms. Rodriguez. You are already amazing and I am so glad we're on the journey together this last semester. :)
Thank you for the support!
DeleteMegan,
ReplyDeleteYour post resonated with me on so many levels! When replying to my blog post you mentioned how making mistakes is the whole point of this experience, and that perfection is unattainable. WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO ACCEPT?! WHY DO WE FEAR MISTAKES SO MUCH?! I wish I had answers, or knew how to eradicate the unease that comes with pushing yourself to take risks and try new things. I know that I am constantly crippling myself by worrying about having failing lessons, and hopefully someday the worrying will begin to be replaced by confidence. Which leads me to the ending of your post – WOW. It was perfect. Of course we’ll become confident…but it will take time. “Not now. Probably not next year. Probably not the year after that. But eventually.”
I, like Quynh, appreciated your line about having it easier than others. I can’t imagine having to provide for a family while going through student teaching AND trying to take care of myself. It kind of freaks me out thinking about what I’m going to do if I ever do decide to have a family once I am a teacher…IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE. I don’t know, but I, like you am thankful that I have time to figure it out.
Thank you so much for this post Megan. It helped me to be less hard on myself and to remember that I am a STUDENT teacher – I’m still learning, and hopefully always will be.
Michaela
Thank you for making a well-thought out reply to my post!
DeleteTeaching, especially STUDENT teaching, is definitely daunting. Trust me, it will get easier, even this semester. You will find the balance; you will teach students; you will make a difference. Keep learning and growing and before you know it, you will be a confident teacher.
ReplyDeleteThank you Nancy!
DeleteHooray!!! I love that you shared your creative, writerly side in this piece, Ms. Rodriguez! Like Ms. Liebst, I adore your final lines--their rhythm as well as their message -- the idea that we have to practice patience with ourselves as we take on new challenges, and feel secure in the knowledge that "eventually" we will conquer those challenges, which gives us ever more confidence to face new challenges. Thank you for sharing!!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
Delete